In the presence of your name was my second clue,
For it isn’t just happiness that I find in your company,
It’s my smile too.
A few days after I met you for the second time, and we started our tradition of “study dates” I found myself unable to sleep at night.
Normal in my regard yes, but in this case it was because I had you on my mind.
I have mentioned before that you remind me of my best friend from college, through those tears of reminiscing, I wrote this piece. The first half is a tribute to him, and the second half is the hope that was rekindled in me.
It is through you, I found another perspective on life. And realized that: our lives are defined by the narrative that we choose to create.
I searched for you, before I knew what I was looking for.
I craved you, before I realized I called you my home.
I needed you, before I understood why.
I cried for you, before I accepted you would not be a part of my life.
I have spent days, weeks, months saying your name.
Wondering, why you had to go away.
Dreaming, what meeting you now would allow me to gain.
Hoping, to catch a glimpse of your green eyes as the sun casts her rays.
The aura of your being imbues every aspect of the story of my life.
For I fell in love with you, before I even knew what love was like.
Yes, these feelings swell over me; yes, in this moment I am drowning in melancholy.
Yes, this too is my choice.
Just as tomorrow- choosing to live on is my choice.
For our lives are either defined by the voids created by those whom abandon, break, or ignore our love or by the narrative we choose to create despite the pain.
To choose is my choice.
And I choose to continue living.
I choose to love those whom love me.
I choose happiness.
And in my choice lies my future.
May it lead to my redemption, despite my pain.
In your personality I found both shadows of my past, and direction for my future.
Yes, there are parts of you that remind me of moments I’ve shared with others, but there is also something else…
Something enigmatic about your presence that I can’t quite yet articulate.
But I will try; because one of the most beautiful gifts that you’ve given me is restoring my belief that I can choose again.