Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. By and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Not that you are in love, now you are love.
Each person that we love teaches us something about life, love and ourselves. By and by again, we gather bits and pieces of understanding, perspective, empathy and yes- even fear along the way.
In my opinion there are many valuable lessons that we will learn in love, but today I would like to talk about the difference between building walls versus establishing boundaries.
Often times we believe that it is by force that we can compel others or ourselves to do something; you have to, you can’t, you should, you need to- all these phrases are used to illustrate the difference between who you are and what you are doing with what is considered “right” in the perspective of the other (now it’s a separate yet related topic that sometimes the other is actually a voice in our head – aka our consciousness, for today we will talk about the other as actually being someone else).
Society teaches us to be careful about others.
Heartbreak teaches us to be careful about lovers.
Pain teaches us to be careful about choices.
We become the lessons that we take from the experiences that we have; and at some point in our lives, during perhaps one of our most courageous acts of engaging with vulnerability instead of receiving compassion, we received negation. And that defined what came next.
This is why I do not believe in leashing the heart.
We do not need walls in life, what we need instead are boundaries. Walls are rigid; they are definitive rules of operation and engagement. Boundaries are flexible; we can lower our boundaries, we can extend our boundaries, we can even erase them as we deem necessary.
To leash the heart is to bound it, which is the same as putting it behind a wall. The wall just has a new name.
And life is too beautiful to be lived behind walls.
Rather, it is my personal belief that life should be lived willingly and courageously in pursuit of your dreams. When we are grounded in “why we are doing what we are doing,” we draw upon the guidance of boundaries to keep us heading where we desire to go without needing to “stop” our heart from pursuing what it desires.
The point has never been to stop yourself from doing what calls you, rather the point has always been to ask: does this choice take me closer to my dreams or not?
Variable on that answer you’ll find your way forward, one step at a time- tiptop tiptoping towards the avenue of your dreams.
Food for Thought: I am interested in your understanding of “love becoming a state of being,” and if you can see how concepts like this attribute to that outcome.